A NOTE FOR YOU

there is a reason why i'm doing this
there is a reason for all my action
depending whether i want to let it be known or not
But i'm sure i'm very straight forward type of person (sometimeS)

I know I started to miss you again
I know I started to have those feelings again
I'm scare
I know if I confessed it to you
YOu will definitely say something hurtful
I need you to do that
I need you to hurt me once more
so I won't dare to miss you again
so those feeling won't come back
I want to move on

To be honest from the beginning itself
I'm very sensitive by every words that you typed
each and every one of your words count and is really important to me
I can just online for nothing just to wait for your reply
one word from you can make me cry non-stop...

Then, I remembered last week I told jiahui (thru chatting msn)
"I don't want to be like you, jiahui (she is waiting for someone, holding on)
I'm not like you
I'm scare of the pain
I just want to let go
I just want to forget
I don't want to be hurt again"

And jiahui replied
"You're hurt by her words and actions
not her herself"
She is right

I just need to push myself
I need to be tough
I know exactly what I deeply feel inside
But i'm not brave enough to admit

Don't worry about anything
I feel lighter after you said you're sorry
It means alot to me
It really do....
I'm sorry for using you

Is true that i still like you
But I will do my best effort to erase this feeling

I lie to you that I love the memories
I don't love the memories! The fact is these memories can't stop lingering inside of me
I regret of having it as well..
I blame my dad why keep forcing me to go ns at the 1st place
but i never regret of knowing you
you make me realize who I love better
something about you attracts me alot
I really can't describe

BUt Please
Please Believe me
I will letgo but forgetting you is something that i can't do
I will stop loving you, though you keep saying that you only like me instead of loving me and we never started before
BUT FOR ME.. it already did..
for me is more than just a good fren r/s when i was still close with you..
I know is not for you.. but the truth is... this is how i really feel inside
After all this I can't just like you
I know is more than that
is already the 11th month
and my feeling for you is still so strong
it couldn't be just liking you

YOu said time heals
then give me some time ok?
let the time prove it all....
and I don't usually promise someone
but this time I PROMISE i will let go of you one day

ends~